As a Black woman, I grew up with the subconscious assumption that life was supposed to be hard.

Not “occasionally challenging,” not “seasonally demanding,” but relentlessly hard. Struggle felt like the default setting. Ease felt suspicious. Rest felt like something you earned only after collapse.

So when I started listening to my body—really listening—I realized something unsettling:
I wasn’t tired because I was weak.
I was tired because I had been overexerting myself for years.

The hardest part wasn’t deciding to rest.
It was learning how to tell when something required too much effort—because I had been trained to ignore that signal.

The Conditioning to Push Past the Signal

Black women are often socialized to override discomfort. To push through fatigue. To treat depletion as normal and endurance as virtue.

So when the body whispers “this is too much,” the mind responds with:

• “It’s not that bad.”

• “Other people do more.”

• “You’re just being lazy.”

• “You don’t have a choice.”

But the truth is:
Your body has always been keeping score.
You just weren’t taught to trust it.

Rest Requires a New Skill: Discernment

Prioritizing rest isn’t just about sleeping more or doing less. It’s about developing discernment—the ability to tell when something is misaligned before it drains you.

Here’s what I’ve learned to pay attention to.

1. The Body Knows Before the Mind Does

When something requires too much effort, the body often reacts first:

• Tight shoulders or jaw

• Shallow breathing

• A heavy chest or sinking feeling

• Fatigue that appears before you even begin

If your body braces instead of opens, that’s information.

2. Dread Is Data

If thinking about a task fills you with dread, resentment, or exhaustion, that’s not a character flaw. That’s feedback.

Not everything that needs to be done needs to be done by you.
Not everything that can be done needs to be done now.
And not everything that is asked of you deserves access to your energy.

3. The Energy-to-Reward Ratio Matters

One of the most radical questions you can ask is:

What am I giving, and what am I getting back?

If something requires enormous effort and gives little nourishment, safety, joy, or growth in return—it’s worth reconsidering.

Struggle without reward is not noble. It’s extractive.

Creating a “Rest Radar”

I started using what I now call a Rest Radar—a quick internal check before I say yes to anything.

I ask myself:

• Does this energize or drain me?

• Does this align with my values or just my conditioning?

• Can I do this without harming myself?

• If I say no, what actually happens?

If my body says no and my mind is the only thing arguing, I pause.

Rest doesn’t always mean disengaging completely. Sometimes it means:

• Doing less

• Doing it slower

• Asking for help

• Setting a time limit

• Or choosing yourself without explanation

Rest Is Not Avoidance. It’s Wisdom.

There is a difference between avoiding life and refusing harm.

Listening to your body doesn’t make you unreliable.
Honoring your limits doesn’t make you selfish.
Choosing ease doesn’t make you less committed.

It makes you alive.

For Black women especially, rest is not indulgence.
It is resistance.
It is preservation.
It is a refusal to be consumed by systems that benefit from your exhaustion.

A Closing Reminder

If something costs you your peace, your health, your joy, or your sense of self—it costs too much.

You are allowed to walk away.
You are allowed to pause.
You are allowed to rest before you break.

Your body is not betraying you.
It’s finally telling the truth.

And learning to listen to it is one of the most powerful acts of self-trust you can practice.