Belonging is not just about access.

It’s not just about inclusion.

It is a psychological relationship with an institution.

To belong is to internalize its values.

To let it define success.

To accept its rules as neutral, natural, or inevitable.

And that’s where the rupture happens.

Because for Black people—especially Black women—most dominant institutions in the United States are rooted in white supremacy. Not symbolically. Structurally. Historically. Intentionally.

So what does it mean to “belong” to something that was never designed for your safety, dignity, or flourishing?

When Belonging Requires Self-Erasure

From corporate workplaces to marriage norms, from academia to capitalism itself, belonging often comes with a quiet but violent expectation:

Soften yourself.

Shrink your needs.

Perform gratitude.

Prove your worth over and over again.

For Black women, belonging frequently demands emotional labor, silence, over-performance, and psychological contortion. The price of stability becomes self-erasure.

At a certain point, opting out isn’t rebellion.

It’s self-preservation.

Rejection as a Necessary Phase — Not the Destination

There is power in rejection.

Rejecting institutions that exploit you, gaslight you, or extract your labor without care can be a crucial step in liberation. Many Black women are in this phase right now—disengaging from work, marriage, politics, and systems that demand everything while offering little in return.

That rejection is not laziness.

It is clarity.

But rejection alone is not freedom.

Because when your life is organized against an institution, that institution is still psychologically central. Resistance still requires constant attention, vigilance, and emotional energy.

White supremacy does not need to be worshiped to be centered.

It only needs to remain the reference point.

The Radical Shift: From Rejection to Disalignment

True freedom is not found in constant opposition.

It is found in disalignment.

Disalignment means:

• You do not seek belonging.

• You do not seek validation.

• You do not seek permission.

• You engage institutions instrumentally, not emotionally.
  

You use systems when they serve you.

You leave when they cost too much of your soul.

You do not confuse access with alignment.

This is not assimilation.

This is sovereignty.

Redefining Success Outside the Institution

We have been taught that success looks like proximity:

• Proximity to power

• Proximity to whiteness

• Proximity to institutional approval
  

But that definition was never meant to liberate us.

A more truthful measure of success asks:

• Does your life require institutional validation to feel meaningful?

• Does your nervous system feel regulated or constantly braced?

• Are your relationships, rhythms, and values self-authored?
  

Success is not constant rejection.

Success is when the institution no longer organizes your inner world.

Choosing Yourself Is Not Opting Out — It’s Opting In

Black women choosing themselves is often framed as disengagement, withdrawal, or failure.

But history tells a different story.

Every time Black women have stepped back from systems that harmed them, new worlds have emerged—new economies, new cultural forms, new ways of relating and surviving.

Choosing yourself is not absence.

It is creation.

And in this moment—marked by instability, backlash, and institutional decay—choosing yourself may feel risky. But the greater risk has always been staying aligned with systems that require you to disappear in order to survive.

Belonging Was Never the Goal

Belonging to oppressive institutions was never the dream.

Freedom was.

And freedom begins when your life no longer revolves around gaining entry, proving worth, or resisting what was never meant to hold you.

Your life is aligned when it answers to you.